I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
