Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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