I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
