yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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