sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
