If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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