she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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