now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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