Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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