I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
