the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
