I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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