just tell him i said nine months
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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