is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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