its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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