u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
