ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
