Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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