No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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