looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
