im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
did i just pee glitter
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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