people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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