you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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