Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want to be your penis for a week.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
