i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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