Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
