shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
