You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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