He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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