we made out on top of his cat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
