where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
