I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
