i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
