Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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