i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
