Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize