Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
