Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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