walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
