he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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