Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
