All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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