Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
