i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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