My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
