he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
