Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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