Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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