lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize