Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
