I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
