He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
