Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
