You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
