so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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