worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
