is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
