i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
