she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
