Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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