My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
