The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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