At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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