i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize