I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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