It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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