mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
