Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
