Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
