I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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