Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
