she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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