I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You took a bar mat shot.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
