Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
