You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
