Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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