Is it normal to miss your booty call?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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