eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
