what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize