If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
