i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
