Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took my morning after pill in the library
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
