Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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