I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
