Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
