Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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