you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I will pee on everything he values.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
