why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize