you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
