i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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