it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
