I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
