Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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