Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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