i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
