Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize