Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
