I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize