just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
