i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize