he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
