he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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