As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
