i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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