my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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