Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
