Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's blow job season.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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