I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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