He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to calm my uterus...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
